Movement Series at Impact...

Tonight is week #2 of a three part series that I am doing with the 20something at Elmbrook. The series is: "Movement...a part of a larger story... a group pursuing a cause... the act of going..."
Last week I talked about the story we are in. Unless we know the story that we are in, life has no meaning. Individual events cannot really be understood without a context, and even words do not have definitive meanings... context gives meaning to everything... The larger story we are in gives meaning to events, and days, and conversations, and to all of life. If someone misunderstands the story that they are in, it leads to great comedy at first... and often to tragedy.
As I read the Bible I find that it presents a compelling "meta" story that we are all in. It makes sense to me. I see God's early command to the first humans to fill the earth and care for it mirrored in Jesus prayer, "Father... your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." I think we are part of God's story to redeem all things.

The real question is "what's my part in the story?" Where are each of us to help him make things more like heaven?

Virginia... tragedy... entertainment.

I have been challenged by some friends of mine that I should have written a response to the recent events at Virginian Tech that are so mind numbing. 32 people dead... because a student snapped and went on a rampage.

I struggled with this quite a bit... because I am not sure what to say... So times up... here are my unedited thoughts... I do not have a neat "answer" to make the horrible reality of this event into something that is neat and encouraging. This is not an encouraging event.

...I think that our society is too quick to assign blame on others and too slow to look in the mirror. Reporters were taking poles about whether the administration should be fired within hours of the events taking place. Tragedy is their business... it sells headlines and gets marketshare...

... I think that we do not really understand tragedy... if this was a tragedy... as we would all assume that it is... then what is the 160 people who died in Iraq from a car bomb on the same day... or the countless suicide attacks in the middle east... or the millions dying of Aids in africa... or the thousands who are still slaves today in 2007...

...The Virginia Tech shootings were entirely tragic... they were in every sense a tragedy... But what is the hardest for us as Americans and even as Christians are how close they are to home. They happened here. I felt really convicted about how numb I am to tragedy. It is happening everyday... all around... in the suburbs and in Somalia... Over "there"... and occasionally over here...

...Yet even though tragedy is a daily reality for so many... I am safe... or at least I feel safe here.. and since I feel safe the tragedies of others becomes my entertainment as I watch the evening news...

...What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us?...

...I am not sure what else to say other than this... This is not the way that things are supposed to be. In times like this, I think that the best thing that Christians can do is to reach out in love... physically if possible. We can refuse to allow hopelessness to overcome the hope that we have in Jesus. The fools hope that God is here with us in our suffering and struggle... that he loves us... and that his love is the difference that the world needs... his love demonstrated through our lives. We are the living hope that stands against the darkness.... or as the Apostle Paul says...

"Therefore we do not give up... though outwardly we are wasting away... on the inside we are being renewed each day... Our current struggles are temporary and are achieving in us an eternal Glory that will surpass them all... "
(2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Smile.... Part 2

I have been amazed by the amount of response to both "I Have Issues" and "Smile...". The response over all has been incredibly positive, both the ones you can read in the comment section and also the emails that students and others have sent me because they did not want to post them publicly. While some have expressed reservations about my tone or honesty, the majority of students, teens, and twenty-somethings have expressed deep appreciation for being granted permission to feel!

I want to be clear. I think that expecting people to pretend to feel good when they do not is dangerous and wrong. I realize that Jesus is with us and that his love and grace changes everything, but it does not eliminate bad days or pain. In my blog I have issues I argue that I think it is ok to be a Christian and continue to have real struggles. I still believe that.

In Smile... I carry the argument further and express frustration about how we, including myself, deal with people who are legitimately suffering. I argue that we should not push them to feel better, but be sympathetic and sit down in the ashes with them... we should enter their suffering. I still believe this as well.

Someone rightfully pointed out that I must also accept that the "Happy people are happy" and not expect them to be sad for my sake. I agree with this, too...

... Our feelings are a gift from God... we feel them... but often we do not choose them.

I think that I, and many others, would do well to seek to learn how to suffer with people rather than try to give them advice or encouragement.

One of the most encouraging things I have ever heard was, "Hey I am really sorry this happened. I love you and am here for you." That is it... no attempt to tell me that my issue was part of God's bigger plan... not pressure to get me to move on... no desire to make me get better...

just an honest offer of concern and an invitation to reach out to them if I wanted too. I meant a lot to me.

I am trying to learn to be more like that...

"Smile, life is good."

Ok.. I admit it I am mad... and you should never post mad... but here goes anyway... (clarification: I am not mad at the "Smile" person, I am mad that we deal with grief and pain so poorly)

Listen up world! Stop telling me how to feel!!! I don't need your opinion on how I should feel at a given time... I do not need your exhortation to smile... I did not ask for either.

Frankly I do not care if my being less that happy somehow drains an ounce of sunshine from your happy smiley day.

I have already stated that I have issues so please take a second to review them before exhorting me to feel better for your sake.

Seriously that is why I wrote I have issues I am tired of people thinking they have the right to impose their feeling preferences onto me.

The other day I was walking down the hallway where I work. I was really stressed because a video was not working right, I still didnt have a presentation done, and I didnt feel particularly worthy do stand in front of 300 students and tell them to love Jesus just like I do. I was worn out from a long day that was part of a long week that was part of a long month that is part of what is shaping up to be a long year.

Overdramatic? Probably so, but it is my life... and to me it was real...

So I am walking down the hall and someone looks over at me and says, "smile, life is good!"

I wonder if this statement made him feel better?

How does he know anything about my life? Its like, my being sad was somehow making his day less convienient or something?

Whatever... I think that really if he cared, he could have asked what was going on... or if I was ok... instead of commanding me to be happy... For all he knew my mom could have just died...

My POINT: if you are sad... be sad. Who cares what other people think... Sometimes people may have the authority and right to tell you how to behave... but they never have have the right to tell you how to feel.

Embrace your emotions... I think they are from God and make us who we are. Its not like he is offended with me if I am sad... in John 11 it even says that Jesus wept. If he can cry... even though he knows he can raise Lazarus from the dead... then I certainly can since I have no such power in my life.

And my friend (you know who you are) who is sad for her loss of a loved one..I am sad with you today.

I am sorry people, including me, are so stupid... especially around grief.

I am sorry for when I have also been guilty of commanding people to feel better instead of listening to their pain...

I am sorry for when I have been impatient with the suffering of others just because it didnt go away as quickly as I would have liked...

The Little boy and his seeds... (a story from Mark 4:1-20)

The once was a boy who had a secret. He collected seeds. He would find them everywhere and he thought they were great. He liked big ones and small ones. He had an incredible system for categorizing them and storing them. He even designed special vacuum sealed bags that would keep his collection from harm and the elements. Now it came to be that the village that the boy lived in suffered a severe food shortage, and even though there was plenty of space in his garden … the boy could not bring himself to part with his precious seeds. He loved his collection. Around him he watched as his neighbors grew gaunt and pale. Children lost the color in their cheeks. Even the true hunger rumblings in his own belly could not bring him to allow his seeds to leave their shelves and find their destiny in the soil. A tragedy, both personally and for his village, the young boy died of starvation... all the while having seed enough for a great harvest.

If the seed is the truth from the word of God... does knowing it really do anything...

...or do I have to plant it deep in my heart and let it grow up in my life through faith?

Truth is awesome... but it needs to be planted in good soil to meet its destiny!

Why I work with middle school students...

Many people have asked me with pity how I survive working with hundreds of middle school students... the truth is, it is easy most of the time, because I love them and it is a joy to be part of their lives at such a critical time.

Also, a middle school students really believes that the world is unlimited... they are not jaded and cynical... tell them they can change the world... and they do. This month I am learning lots from the passion of students...

Somehow the honda just doesnt seem to do it for me any more...

Bugatti Veyron at top speed
Uploaded by Flabber

Ok... this is pretty much a dream car... I am glad I cannot afford it... I would be dead in a few days if I did.

Here are some new IZzy shots... and random gerber daisies that represent a prayer for spring to hurry up!

The Life (five-three)

Hey... for the next month I am mainly writing at a new blog that is for a series I am doing with my Middle School students. Feel free to check it out.

The series is called "The Life" and it is about Jesus life and ours. As part of it, we challenged everyone in our ministry to do the "five-three challenge."

This is a committment to spend 5 minutes reading the Bible, 5 minutes talking to God, 5 times a week... thus 3 fives...

It sounds so simple, but I think that many of us have a hard time even committing a few minutes a day to reflecting on the God that we love... Life just seems more important than God... but... if I am really "following" Jesus... I have to shape my life around the time I spend with him. This truth has been convicting to me, and I am trying to really wrestle it down.

If you are a Christian... what does your walk with God look like?


Check it out: the life (five-three)

I have issues.

This week I had the opportunity to speak at the AVE , Elmbrooks College ministry. As I was reflecting on my topic, it occured to me how raw this is for me. Here are a few portions of the message... let me know what you think.

...I remember feeling like my world was coming unglued. I was a Junior in College when it began happening. I began to have doubts and issues that the “answer” wouldn’t fix. You know the “answer” don’t you? It is that answer which sounds to right, so spiritual in light of any issue that faces any person any day. THE Answer... Jesus will fix everything if you trust him. This means of course that if I am not fixed, the problem is that I am not believing enough or correctly. Maybe I should pray more...
I remember getting angry when the “answer” was given... really angry... I would tell someone how I felt, and then wait to see if the “answer” came. It has many forms you know...

The cruel part of the answer is that it is supposed to be immediately effective. I was expected to quickly get better in response to the “answer.” I remember hating people I loved for trying to give me the "Answer"... and hating myself for not getting better... for not being what I knew I was supposed to be. I remember driving by oncoming traffic wondering what it would feel like to swerve into it. I remember feeling so alone at church... the one fake among the sea of faithful. The one who didn’t understand... couldn’t live right... had such real issues. I have never done drugs... I have never been drunk... I grew up in the church more of less... yet my heart was so screwed up... my life was such a fraud... my heart was so cold. I felt like I would never get better... I think I was right. I am not sure I will ever will be better. I am not sure the “Answer” will ever work for me...

Whenever I was hit with the cookie cutter example of how the "answer" could "fix" me, I was left feeling like a spiritual amputee; Like this mold that had made so many good cooky christians somehow fell misaligned on me, leaving serrated lines across my fragile faith...

...It is sorta wierd to me that Jesus, the most put together person in history has such a group of misfits and losers for friends. Think about it. The Prostitutes and tax collectors were less offensive to God than the priests. He was more at home with the sinner than he was with you and I... it is almost like he isn't about the "Answer"... He just loves people as they are...

What if the ultimate goal of being a Christian isn’t being right? What if its being full? What if the goal isnt getting fixed... But inviting him into the mess that is my life. Following him in your life... not your friends life... not your parents life... yours... maybe your bi-polar... maybe you are a compulsive liar... maybe you are an alcoholic... Maybe you are just normal screwed up. Maybe Jesus is for you ... right now... even if you do not get better. Even if I do not get better... Maybe I have to invite jesus into my life... right here... with my issues... where I am really at... and let him just be my friend in this place... even if I do not get better...

... A few years ago I went through a difficult period of ministry where there were a lot of people that didnt like me. People don’t always like me. It’s true. In fact... actually I think a lot of people don’t like me. I have always hated that about myself. I can’t remember when it started, but I remember that at some point I started walking away from nearly every human interaction feeling like I had said or done something stupid... Worse... I felt (still struggle with feeling) that making people unhappy was somehow a moral failure... I remember preaching sermons, and then feeling so ashamed that I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. I sorta just shuffled out of the church. I went to counseling... and In counseling I realized that I was probably going to have people not like me my whole life... that helped... It helped to hear someone say I might not get better... and that was ok... It is ok if I do not get better... Jesus still loves me...

... the "answer" never worked for me... and I think it actually has hurt many people many times... where as someones true concern and presence would have been a blessing... Have you ever been hit with the "answer" when you really just needed a friend... a hug... or even just someone to give you the space to be broken for a little while?

Crazy Times!

My good friend Kara works at a Humane Society. She fostered some puppies from there recently... puppy puggles... that is a beagle/pug mix for all you who are not up on your breads and halfbreeds.


Emily and I went to see her puppies... and decided Francis needs a freiend...


thus Izabel... or Izzy came home with us a week ago satuday.


she is 9 weeks old... and really cute.

Francis is also really cute... as you already know...


So we are a little crazy.

The Brown Bahama Adventure

More Pix to come... but here are some highlights of our Bahama trip in January... it was a really great time with family...

... This cruise was on national television because there was a bomb scare on the dock when we were setting sail... Turned out to be a box of unmarked pipe clamps...

All About Me

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

My SisterinLaw Vicky posted this personality test on her page (which is listed to the right). I have taken it before and came out very different, but for today, I am a journalist! Go me!

September Wyoming Adventure

So in keeping with my tradition of not writing about my life until ridiculously after the fact, here are some picture from Emily and My Wyoming trip. We went with my parents to Jackson Hole Wyoming and the Grand Tetons in September.









We had awesome lattes....
















We were rained and snowed upon....


















We saw a bull moose up close and personal... "hey Bullwinkle..."















We hung out with my parents....




















We saw beautiful mountains....














I loved being in the Mountains... which I love so much... with Emily... who I love so much




It was a really fun time. We also visited yellowstone national park. I really enjoyed the trip.

Francis is the cutest...

Ok... here is a picture from the day we got Francis. Hard to believe that she is 3 now.

Peeps... One is a lonely Number.

It is really easy to ignore people what we do not know. In our culture we walk right by thousands of people each week with no intention of getting to know them. They are more like background images to our day than they are living breathing people. The same thing is true in the church; we ignore the people we do not know. They are scary... intimidating... sometimes they seem unworthy... or even unnecessary to us if we already have friends.
One really easy way to communicate value is to listen. When I listen to someone, I communicate that they are significant enough as a person to deserve my attention. If I do not listen then, it communicates that they are not important enough to merit my attention. If I care enough to listen, people will know they matter.
The Bible tells us that people really matter to God. He created them all. He wants them to be loved and accepted, especially in his Church. Even though he is God, he listens to anyone who wants to talk to him about their hopes and fears. His willingness to care and listen demonstrate his love. Likewise, our willingness to listen and care for people also communicates how much we think people are worth. Even when we don’t think about it, how we treat people tells them how valuable we think they are.

Return of the Mmmmm....

Long long ago in a Galaxy Far Far away... or maybe in Chicago...
Master Nano left China to combat evil and bring joy.
The Force was Strong with this young Nano and the Mmmm Wars began...
through its Power 1000 delightful songs were hidden in a pocket...


Then came the the Mmmmm Strikes Back...
A torrid tale about a young shiny Shuffle...
Like the Master Nano, Shuffle could bring the joyous tunes
But was much tough and smaller,
and through the mystical force was able to attach itself to objects of all sizes











Finally came the Return of the Mmmm....
Master Nano and Young Shuffle were out matched...
They could only play music
they were not strong enough in the force to handle the Evil Video Villians lurking in the far reaches of the Galaxy
Enter the New Master... Master Wii... A foreigner no doubt... but a strong friend. It was his incredible control of the force that made him strong, not raw power.
But Regardless his appearance in the middle of a sold out holiday season ensured that the Mmmm Wars would be one for all time!

Briarbrook Drive: Red Shaggie Carpet and a closet under the stairs

This is a picture of the house I lived in East Peoria until I was five. I guess they were they were getting ready to shingle the roof and had bundles of shingles on the roof when a foot of snow and ice came...

I loved that house.

We had red shag carpet in the basement and a closet under the stairs were I could hide if I wanted to... i think I remember having a black and white TV... I think we used to watch Jason of Star Command... We also used to ride out big wheels in the parking lot across the street... and Trent and I onece built a fort in the farmers field behind our house... but her got really mad because we knocked down a lot of Corn to do it... This is also down the house were I stabbed myself in the stomach on accident, burned myself with hot custard, broke my leg, fell out of a tree in the back yard and fell of the Neightbors 2nd story balcony.

All before I turned five.

I miss that house... bummer about the snow.

Oh, another interesting note is that Jason grew up about a about a quarter mile from here.

Movie Review: Stranger than Fiction

Last night I saw Stranger than Fiction with Emily. I loved it. I am still sorting out why... so I will finish this post with a full review later...

In the mean time check out the

Trailer

Or the website (Images captured from website):

Stranger than Fiction Site

The Movie is PG -13...

Music Check it out!!!

My friend Brandon Grissom (who may not actually have been informed that he is my friend) has recently released his worship cd... which I really like. (I realize the irony of this post considering I just posted... deal with it). If you go

HERE

you can check out his new CD and download two free tracks for your enjoyment.

Also, I have been taked recently with a Sarah Groves song... "Add to the Beaty." I am a hit or miss Groves fan... Sometimes her songs really are awesome to me... and some of them I think are ok. This is my favorite. It is really awesome because she wrote it after going on a tour of New Orleans and Africa and taking part in trying to make tough places more beautiful. You can check out the song, and a DVD documentary of her trips at her web site :

Sarah Groves

The Pictures of Sarah are from her site...


"Add To The Beauty" (by Sara Groves and Matt Bronlewee)

We come with beautiful secrets
We come with purposes written on our hearts, written on our souls
We come to every new morning
With possibilities only we can hold, that only we can hold

Redemption comes in strange place, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

It comes in small inspirations
It brings redemption to life and work
To our lives and our work

It comes in loving community
It comes in helping a soul find it's worth

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out the best of who we are

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside

This is grace, an invitation to be beautiful
This is grace, an invitation

Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces
Calling out our best

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside