Scars

Wounds heal in time. They fade from pain to memory and though the scars and the memories remain, the hurt fades to shadow, and the journey continues. Most people know that I have lots of physical scars from growing up on the wreckless side... Some know that I also have many scars from a difficult season recently experienced in the trenches of ministry. For the last few years, I feel like my wounds and scars have been the overwhelming and defining aspect of my life. I would often try to describe my life without mention of what I was feeling.

(People don't want to hear about hard things that last more than a few hours. Most people are initially empathetic, but quickly become tired of the struggles of another. I understand their tired response as I would have fled myself if a road had emerged.)

I would try to think of something positive to say about my experience so they would not have to think of an excuse to not listen to my sad story again. Try as I did, I usually either said very little, or eventually would begin to talk about my struggles. (Thanks for those who truly listened!) Finally there came a critical point where I just decided that I had had enough, and so I walked away from the largest source of pain in my life. This alone was like and incredible revelation... I had felt stuck, but I realized that I wasn't. Remaining in the trap was my own choosing, and I didnt have to stay and keep hurting, I could choose to surround myself with different circumstances.

So I did.

The Best just got Better... DESPAIR.COM!!!

I love despair.com. It is one of the most hilarious websites around. It makes me laugh every time that I check it out. They just improved their site with some new content and a refreshed look. It now features demotivational videos that train executives in how to practice the Art of Demotivation. They are so funny. IF you are into podcasts, you can sign up for them there, otherwise, you can download them off of the website. I bought the book, and it is hilarious too.

Another thing great product that is featured on Despair is the short film called MORE. This one is for real though. I actually got teary eyed the first time that I say it. I am not sure why, the hopelessness of the little clay guy just connected with me on some emotional level. It is really amazing... and you can watch the whole thing online, if you do not believe me. Check it out!

My cousins wedding...

So my cousin greg got married to Jessica in Sept. He is a big star wars nut, but I am not sure how he talked lucas out of 4 real lightsabre prototypes for the wedding...

Finals...

Do not worry... he is not dead... yet. At the end of this week I will complete my first semester at trinity... But before I can get to the end of the week, I must face into 3 huge tests, 2 papers, and 1 final project... all of which must be done by thursday afternoon... Well, maybe you should worry a little...

Mr Anderson...

Follow the white rabbit! I was hoping I would come out as Napolean Dynamite!

You scored as Neo,
Neo is the computer hacker-turned-Messiah of the Matrix. He leads a small group of human rebels against the technology that controls them. Neo doubts his ability to lead but doesn't want to disappoint his friends. His goal is for a world where all men know the Truth and are free from the bonds of the Matrix.

Neo the "One". Neo, the "One" 88% William Wallace 79% Captain Jack Sparrow 75% Batman, the Dark Knight 75% James Bond, Agent 007 71% El Zorro 71% Lara Croft 63% Maximus 63% The Terminator 54% The Amazing Spider-Man 54% Indiana Jones 54% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Where sadness and joy meet...

For the last 4 months I have had the opportunity to invest my life into the High school ministy of Elmbrook Church. Insight, has been a huge blessing to me. As I have served, I have been encouraged and affirmed in so many ways. I could go on about the amazing staff I have worked with, the incredible adults who are investing in the lives of these students as volunteers, and the absolutely amazing students that are part of this ministry. All three of these groups of people have been such an massive blessing in my life. These four months, have been one of my favorite seasons of ministry in my whole life.

And now it is done and I am really sad and heartbroken to move on so quickly.

Over a month ago, the senior leadership approached me with a very interesting proposal. They were about to name Ryan to be the High school pastor, and that was going to be especially challenging for the church since it would leave the Jr high position open and force Ryan into doing some hard core double duty. As I talked about this with the Leadership of the church, it seemed really obvious that I could help out. After much thought and prayer, and long conversations, I agreed to have my intership reassigned to the Jr. High Ministry for the rest of the year. The opportunity to invest in this ministry and these students has captivated me.

And now, I am just starting, and I am incredibly excited. I seriously cannot wait to hang out with Jr High students and leaders.
But right now, I sit at an intersection of joy and sadness. I am so thrilled and humbled for the incredible trust that Elmbrook has placed in me to teach and shepherd in the Jr High ministry... I am so thankful for the opportunity for my life to be changed by being a part of the sr high ministry... I am stunned by the loss and stunned by the new blessing...

Getting the rug back under our feet...

Ok, so I am not the world's fastest remodeler. It is true. For the last three years I have been going through the process of gutting and remodeling our house. It's also true that after three years, I am still not finished and, thankfully, not divorced. I say this to reinforce that I am far from a fast worker, and that I have a very patient and encouraging wife... Even though I may not be the fastest, I have made some significant improvements.... with lots of help we now have: All new plumbing, two new bathrooms, a new entertainment room downstairs, a new office downstairs, two remodeled guest rooms upstairs, a new reversed set of stairs, and newly expanded Kitchen complete with a dishwasher and a new pantry closet, and a freshly carpeted hallway. As you can tell from the latest pictures I am not finished yet, but getting really close. Hopefully I will be able to finish the remaining big projects over my winter break, and maybe even have a house party early in 2006! Emily will have only endured living in a construction area for 2.5 years at that point. Thanks to all who have "volunteered" to help me with various aspects of the project, and to my neighbors, who have dealt with banging and sawing at 2am on weeknights!
In unrelated news, Francis is very cute. She loves to lie up against the heat vents on the new carpet. After she has been there for a while I swear she is like a limp noodle if you pick her up.

Even a fool though wise... Revisited

"Even a fool is thought wise if he remains silent."
http://news.yahoo.com/comics/nonsequitur

Anticipation...

So yeah... today I am having a very difficult time concentrating...

This is very unfortunate because I have a test today online, and a massive amount of Hebrew to conquer...

Yet here I am distracted by the lives of people in Shanghai, China and Anchorage Alaska.

Why I love apple computers...

I love apple computers. There are lots of reasons for this, but I think that it the greatest reason is that they work. They are the best designed computers in the world. A recent book called iCon quotes Steve jobs as saying, “Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But, of course, if you dig deeper, it’s really how it works. To design something really well, you have to ‘get it.’ You have to really [passionately grasp] what it’s all about.” Steve continued, “It takes passionate commitment to really thoroughly understand something… Most people don’t take the time to do that (iCon page: 280 – 281).”
I think that this is a really profound statement. So often as Christians and Americans we want to simplify everything, but we want to do it without the work of truly understanding the complexity of it first. We simplify a worship service, but in the process lose something essential to the Mystery and Glory of God. We simplify the gospel into a series of four propositional truths, and somehow even though all the words are true, the heart of the Gospel is lost. Instead of a mystery, it becomes a sales pitch. It expresses an answer instead of a question, or an arrival, instead of a journey. I understand why we do this. People no longer have patience for complicated, hard to comprehend thoughts. Whether dealing with electronic gadgets, keynote presentations, or business propositions, good content without simple elegant delivery is not heard in our culture. Yet, I worry that we are more worried about presentation to the world, than in personally owning the truths for ourselves. Am I passionately committed to really reading the Bible and learning to hear his voice, even if it breaks out of my simple categories, and renders my slogans useless? Do I even know what the slogans mean any more..?
(pictures from www.apple.com)

Even a fool is thought wise...

So recently a famous christian leader with his own tv show said some things on a live broadcast, that got him in trouble. I think that I understand why he was frustrated... I think I can understand that maybe he didnt mean exactly what it sounds like... I know that I say to much far too often... so I am not a good one to throw stones, for who knows what stupid things I would say if given a internationally viewed daily T.V. show with which to voice my foolish thoughts. An ancient proverb states that, "Even a fool is thought wise if he remains silent." I think that I need to practice this more... i might fool more people...
Check out this quote: "You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don’t think any oil shipments will stop... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don’t need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It’s a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.”
Later when confronted, this is how the same leader responded. “Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement. I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him.”
Of note: The Venezuelan government kicked out all New Tribes missionaries because they decided they must be CIA opperatives trying to assassignate their president. I wonder how they came up with that idea...
Questions I am thinking about:
#1 How can we speak against injustice, without hurting the global cause of Christ.
#2 How do the things we do and say as american Christians effect how people worldwide see Jesus?
#3 More still forming...

The Lost art of Porch Sitting (Community lost)

We have nearly lost the whole concept of community. Community meant sharing. It meant living on the same street; being there for a cup of flour, or a family tragedy. It meant sitting on the porch and watching the sun go down with your neighbors, while the kids played together in the yard. Families were not isolated, they were part of a communal village that shared life.
In the church we have lost the idea of community as well. The early church was not perfect, but it was a community of faith. They shared life. They shared tears and joy. They invested deeply and sacrificially in each others lives. In the early church chronicles there are stories of people, "selling possessions and goods," or "those who owned lands or houses sold them... and the money from the sales... was distributed to anyone who had need(Acts 4:32-35)." It is almost like they felt like individual success was less important that they success of the entire community. My good blessings could not be enjoyed until everyone had at least the minimal blessings that they needed to survive.

Beauty Lost

Beauty must be an expression of God's grace. It has to be... where else can something so good and pure come from. In the bible we are told to "think about whatever is beautiful," but what does that mean when people use beauty to sell products, manipulate people, or set social caste? Maybe these would all be abuses of beauty. Maybe we live in a society that has abused beauty to the point that it is nearly lost to us. We have "created" so much "beauty" that we can no longer recognize what is truly beautiful. A new ipod is "beautiful"... but my wife Emily, the most loving and compassionate person I know, is beautiful too... how can the same world really retain any meaning when applied to both? My sisters are so beautiful... and so are the models in magazines... yet, how can the sexy airbrushed "beauty" of Elle or Teen also describe Johanna's unwavering modesty and sacrifice for her friends or Bethany's quiet passion for her family & friends and her innocent purity? The range of meaning is so great that all meaning is lost. There seems to be great beauty confusion today... people look at porn to find beauty... yet its very nature abuses beauty in so many ways... Children are beautiful, any yet confused people who can no longer differentiate between "beauty" and true beauty hurt children in a tragic attempt to possess the child's beauty and innocence. Maybe we need a new word or category to describe what we are talking about as people who see the Image of God hidden and apparent in all of creation.

The Chronicles of the Early Church & My friend M.

http://www.apple.com/ipodnano/

Thanks to my friend M, I now own a black nano. The same M is why I own an Xbox and 8 games and multiple controllers. M, I think is maybe the most generous person I have ever met. I mean that. I think that he takes the the Chronicles of the Early Church (acts) very seriously. It seems like whenever he has some blessing that I have not yet been able to purchase, that it is his responsibility to help me to also have it.
The Early Church Chronicles state that, "All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had (4:32)... There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and... it was distributed to anyone as they had need (4:34)"
I think that I have a long way to go to get there... my friend Kurt, he does a great job with this too. He works with high school students, and I know that he sacrificially gives of what he has, to demonstrate that it is not really his. M. gave me my Xbox, because we were playing it at his house, and he mentioned how cool it would be for me to have it for when I had students over... one minute later he had it packed up and was pushing a xbox laden box into my hands. I protested... it is humbling to be given a truly great gift... but it meant so much to me. He have me his Xbox... He bought me a Nano... I think sometimes people are lucky to get a b-day card from me...

"Before God and a billion hungry neighbors..."

"We must attack the materialism of our culture and the maldistribution of the nation’s wealth and services. We recognize that as a nation we play a crucial role in the imbalance and injustice of international trade and development. Before God and a billion hungry neighbors, we must rethink our values regarding our present standard of living and promote more just acquisition and distribution of the world’s resources." [From: Social Action - A Christian Mandate by John Bower http://www.directionjournal.org/article/?257]

Seriously convicting. Further evidence of the shattered world that we live in... In this country we drop thousands on I-pods and silicon parts, while billions in the world have nothing. What good is a thousand songs in your pocket, if you cant afford jeans?

Living broken in a shattered world

http://www.bluelikejazz.com/home.htm
I think that there is somthing really wrong with me. I am guessing maybe it is wrong with everyone, but it feels especially wrong with me.

When I was reading Searching for God Knows What, by Donald Miller, it occured to me that he was right... He says, "... now that God was gone [after the fall], now that he wasn’t around to help us feel that we were loved and important and good, we were looking for it in each other, in a jury of peers." (SFGKW pg 94)

"I know without a doubt that I am a person who is wired so that something outside of myself tells me who I am… It is as though the voice God used to have has been taken up by less credible voices." (Pg 95)

So yeah... I hear voices... Lots of them... Maybe one of them is yours.

The New Office!

So I have been hopeless living in boxes, or at least my books have, ever since I quit my old job and had to give up my office. My New Job is so awesome, but instead of an office, I have a little corner cubical. I have room for like 10 books there... But now... now my books no longer have to live in boxes... they are free... the can now live on shelves and breathe in fresh air, and collect fresh dust! It is none to soon either, as I have been really having a hard time studying for Trinity without a place to really work and lay out my stuff. Now all I need is a nice new Powerbook to decorate my desk!

Additionally I also mananged to finish up my downstairs living room. It is a roomy 300 square feet of entertaining perfections. Designed with the party in mind, this room comes nicely equiped with a huge sound system, a decent TV, dvd's Galore, and a Xbox with all the latest Halo upgrades. The room is also equipped with built in bookshelves and game cabinets for all you Tolstoy and Parcheesy lovers out there. It is so awesome. I no longer have everything I own cramed into our spare bedroom. Lots of room for Francis to run, which she does a lot.

Here's to vision, perserverance, and sweat equity. They often get you where your money cannot.

Loving God & Emily Enough...

So, I was thinking about how incredible my wife is today. In preparing to speak to an awesome group of high school students about how God is their lover I thought of Emily and our wedding vows. We fashioned them around the "shemah". (Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your strength, and with all of your mind, (Mark 12:29 - 30 version). I am convicted of how I fall short of loving God and Emily enough.
Brandon,
~I promise to be your loving wife, giving all that I am to honor you, seeking to help and fulfill you always
~With all my heart to love and cherish you, reaching out to you in good times and in bad, seeking joy with you in all circumstances
~With all of my mind to admire you and seek to understand you, searching out all of your gifts and passions, always looking to draw the best out of you
~With all of my strength to fight for you, holding you up in prayer and laboring to see your dreams come true
~With all of my soul to thirst for you, forsaking all others, sharing only in your love.

Emily,
~I promise to be your faithful husband, giving all that I am to love you as Christ loves the Church
~With all my heart to love and cherish you, reaching out to you in good times and in bad, seeking joy with you in all circumstances
~With all of my mind to admire you and seek to understand you, searching out all of your gifts and passions, always looking to draw the best out of you
~With all of my strength to fight for you, holding you up in prayer and laboring to see your dreams come true
~With all of my soul to thirst for you, forsaking all others, sharing only in your love.

grace

thanks pojo

The "Christian Right" is Neither.

A few weeks ago I read this bumper sticker that said, "The "Christian Right" is Neither." Immediately, I felt this primal urge to get out of my car (sitting at a stoplight by Woodfield mall in traffic) run up to this person's window to ask them about what it meant to them. I wondered momentarily if the truck was being driven by someone named Isaiah, Hosea, or maybe even John. Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world, if it were my servants would fight for it." Do you ever feel like we, who spiritually have everything, spend way to much time fighting with the rest of the World over how they use what is theirs? I just don't see Jesus running a grass roots campaign to make sure that a more conservative Caesar get nominated to the Roman senate...