I have been amazed by the amount of response to both "I Have Issues" and "Smile...". The response over all has been incredibly positive, both the ones you can read in the comment section and also the emails that students and others have sent me because they did not want to post them publicly. While some have expressed reservations about my tone or honesty, the majority of students, teens, and twenty-somethings have expressed deep appreciation for being granted permission to feel!I want to be clear. I think that expecting people to pretend to feel good when they do not is dangerous and wrong. I realize that Jesus is with us and that his love and grace changes everything, but it does not eliminate bad days or pain. In my blog I have issues I argue that I think it is ok to be a Christian and continue to have real struggles. I still believe that.
In Smile... I carry the argument further and express frustration about how we, including myself, deal with people who are legitimately suffering. I argue that we should not push them to feel better, but be sympathetic and sit down in the ashes with them... we should enter their suffering. I still believe this as well.
Someone rightfully pointed out that I must also accept that the "Happy people are happy" and not expect them to be sad for my sake. I agree with this, too...
... Our feelings are a gift from God... we feel them... but often we do not choose them.
I think that I, and many others, would do well to seek to learn how to suffer with people rather than try to give them advice or encouragement.
One of the most encouraging things I have ever heard was, "Hey I am really sorry this happened. I love you and am here for you." That is it... no attempt to tell me that my issue was part of God's bigger plan... not pressure to get me to move on... no desire to make me get better...
just an honest offer of concern and an invitation to reach out to them if I wanted too. I meant a lot to me.
I am trying to learn to be more like that...
